Why?
December 2006
One of the people on staff here recently remarked that we do not have problems, only inconveniences. I cannot speak of you or your situation, but this holds very true for my life. The disposal's refusal to work and the static sound on my TV are only minor inconveniences in a life that is ultimately smooth sailing. This time of year our thoughts naturally turn to giving thanks and taking stock of our life. These thoughts continually lead me to the question of why? Why is my life what it is? What have I done to warrant this? Is it the results of generations of hard work paying dividends today? Have my grandparents' and parents sacrifices paved the way for my cushy life? Or have I been handpicked by God for a greater purpose? And how will that manifest itself? I find myself asking these questions over and over, leading only to more questions and doubt.
It's an odd question isn't it? "Why is my life what it is?" I'm fearful to even recognize it in my conscious mind let alone put it in print! Fearful that God will turn off the fountain and leave me to a Job-esque fate, which I know I cannot handle! Never being smart enough to shy away from the tough questions, I ask "Why?"
The theological questions this brings forth are limitless and even more troubling. Why has God blessed me and not others? Why does God allow the dishonest to prosper, and the virtuous to suffer? Why is there so much inbalance? The final issue for me is always, "to whom much is given, much is expected." I then feel the expectation that somehow God is counting on me to live up to this blessing he has bestowed. If you don't know, I have a self diagnosed Superman complex in which I try to be all things to all people. Not because of my own abilities, but because I feel God expects this of me...pretty weighty stuff I know. So why am I sharing this with you? Why am I airing my dirty laundry? Maybe because on some level, at some point, you can relate, and together we can learn that God loves us as we are today. Not some future version of ourselves when we do and say all the right things.
The weight of potential and expectation can often be unbearable for those ill equipped to handle it. I have found that the best way to take control of this situation is to let go. Am I supposed to DO something? SAY something? or BE something? I don't know. Chasing this answer will only result in missing the fullness of life. I have chased this answer and realized that there is power in letting go and that struggling against the blessing is possibly the greatest sin of all. If God has chosen to grant me this gift, then maybe I should do 2 things. Enjoy it, and share it. So that is my mission today. I don't have the answers, and I don't know why I ended up here and not in a war torn, poverty stricken country. But I am here. The dominos of fate have continued to fall one after the other, leading me along, what I feel like, is a very specific path. I don't know where this path leads or what's going to happen. Most days I question it, but sometimes I am content to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Regardless of what I have done, God has continued to bless me and take care of me. All I can do is return the favor. Which means not fighting it, and passing the blessing to whomever I meet. As you take stock of your year and think about what you have to be thankful for, remember the one whom we are thankful for and where your blessings come from.
It's a little early for a resolution, but mine is to passionately thank God for for my life, and beg for ways to share it with others.
Chris Jones
Director of Recreational Ministries
